Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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