I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
