I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
