she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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