Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
