I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He kissed a someone with a penis
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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