tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
