I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
