Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
