i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
