I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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