Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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