i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
