i already hear my dad disowning me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
