3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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