Where did you get a picture of my penis
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
