I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
