I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
