So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
