apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
