wat bout pragnant strippers??
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
