BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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