Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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