My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
