Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
