Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
