I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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