I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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