omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
