Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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