thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
