I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
last night I used snow as a chaser
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
