Having a random hookup so left but love u
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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