the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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