I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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