return my video game
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
