So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
