when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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