tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
