one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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