just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
