apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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