Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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