Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i would punch a child for taco bell
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
