hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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