They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
