I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Randomize
