Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
