If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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