My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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