Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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