I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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