no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
