I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
