I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
