Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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