once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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