A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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