on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
