he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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