he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
