this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
