I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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