I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
