Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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