Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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