You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize