The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
