Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
