do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
