Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
literally had 100 drinks last night.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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