We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
