why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have feelings that need drinking.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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