i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
