I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
