Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
is that a dick in a sweater?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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