I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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