You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
