I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
