his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
