How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
