clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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