i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
