If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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