The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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