just tell him i said nine months
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
