I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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