I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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