So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
