I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think people are normalizing furries
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
