I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize