He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
