Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
