nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
