i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
