I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
