Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
