It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
