No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Randomize
