My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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