I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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