I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize