Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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