Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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