I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
