He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
