Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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