I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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